Group Treating You Rudely Or Weirdly

A whole group of people you have little contact with acts weird around you, doesn't talk to you, doesn't greet you, ignores you when you speak, treats you stand-offishly like you'll contaminate them or like you're a time bomb ready to go off.

You know you haven't done anything awful that would make people dislike you or lose respect for you, so you start wondering about your appearance. You find a mirror and you check yourself out, yup, nothing weird, your hair looks alright, nothing strange. You don't smell bad, either.

So what the heck is up with these people treating you like you're not welcome, like you don't belong, like you're some kind of pariah, like you're one of the "staff" at the White House who's just decided to sit down at a Presidential banquet with the guests?

There are a few possibilities.

First, are you sure they're treating you weird, for THEM? Are you sure they're not just like this all the time, and just have very bad or completely absent social skills or manners? You might be taking their very rude behavior personally when it has nothing to do with you, it's how they always act.

Along those same lines, could it be cultural? There are some extreme differences between many cultural social habits, one group's "good manners" can seem very rude, arrogant, or controlling to others. Of course some cultures actually tend to think of themselves as superior, so they ARE being rude, arrogant or controlling, but it's still not personal, it's them, not you. (I probably wouldn't stay around unless I felt I had to for some very important reason, myself.)

If that's not the case and you're sure of it, and especially if this group is not culturally different from you, then take a moment and review a few things.

Who is connected both to you and to this group?
Would that person talk about you negatively behind your back?
Does that person speak negatively about others in general?
Does that person tend to seek attention, or want to be liked or admired, and might throw you under the bus in order to make sure people like them MORE than you?
Would that person imply to others that you are a burden to them, or are hostile, ungrateful, or mentally unstable? In order to prevent people from liking you, respecting you, or finding you attractive or intelligent? In order to turn people against you and give sympathy to them?

If that's not the case either, and you're sure, then what about the prejudice, bigotry, and bias issues of this group? What is your sex, your age, and your ancestry? Do they have bias for the other sex, but bias against yours? Are they rude, disrespectful, condescending and unsupportive to people of your sex? Do they tend to think of your sex in certain parameters, but not really as "people", or as "equals" to the other sex?
If this is the case, then protecting one's self from them might be what you need to focus on instead of social interaction. You might not be safe either socially or physically.

Are they ignoring you because you're of a different age group, younger or older? Many people do this when they're around their peers, no matter how old or young they are. They may not even realize they're doing it. If they're young or if they're elderly, just deal with it, it's probably not personal at all. If they're closer to your age, though, it might be intentional arrogant and rude behavior; watch your back, and ignore their rude speech or actions. Maybe just leave if there's nothing important going on.

Are they trying to send a message that you're not really welcome because of your different ancestral features? (Ancestral prejudice can even be seen in humans within the same ancestral groups who have slightly different features, like the color of a person's hair or the shape of their nose.)

Could they be very shy, and are afraid to speak to you? Perhaps because you are "different" from the rest of the group, or very tall, or very good-looking, or they think you're very accomplished, wealthy, or well-traveled?
Shyness is often misconstrued as arrogance; you may take their shyness as arrogance, or they may take yours as arrogance.
(Maybe).

If it's not that, could it be that your manner is actually more civil and polite than theirs, and they are used to people being loud or obnoxious? This still falls under the category of lacking social graces, but it could be that they think you're keeping your distance on purpose if this is the case. In other words, you're not yelling and making sweeping gestures to get attention, so you must not want attention... some groups in some regions act and think this way.

Are you often told you are good-looking, or do you have any physical disabilities or differences? Immature people who have not learned social graces, or who are insecure with themselves, will often group together and talk about an attractive person who enters the room, or a person who has a different physical appearance, and will be reluctant to talk to them out of intimidation, or will spread negative implications about them to the rest of the group.

Are you very short or very tall? Again, immature people are often fixated on a person who enters the room who is physically "different" from themselves, and they will often simply not speak to the person.

If a group is suddenly treating you differently when they are your friends or family, or coworkers, or classmates, or neighbors, then the possibility of someone trashing you behind your back is high. If they are all very immature, then they would be much more likely to just go along with it willingly instead of standing up for you or not believing it. If they've been envious or jealous of you, that's a big motivation for going along with gossip. Resentment is another one. But simple ridiculous arrogance and self-righteousness are the biggest ones. Take this as a warning that you're dealing with unscrupulous people, and it might be time to look for new friends, and stop trusting these people so much, or expecting good manners or intentions from them. 



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